Being a mindful leader encompasses certain skills that are also required for being a good parent. I wanted to take a moment to discuss this with you today because Mother’s Day is right around the corner, and just as it’s important to respect your leaders and parents, it is also important to show them you appreciate them. Even the best leaders and parents make mistakes... after all, they’re only human. And whether they show it or not, they have moments of self-doubt, anxiety, and fear.
However, for those of us who have learned that failure can be the most valuable teacher available, the fear of failure has been whittled away over time. The same is true for parents; those parents who go into the process of teaching and raising their children filled with a fear of failure often don’t realize that they may actually be hurting their children and ingraining that same fear in them.
That’s not to say that parents and leaders alike don’t have some anxiety, doubt, or worry hiding behind their confident smiles. The trick is to have absolute faith that, even if you fail as a leader or parent, it is not final. Nothing is written in stone, and lessons can be learned from failure that could never be learned without it.
Five Tips for Failing Forward in Parenting and Leadership
1. Focus on the lesson. Whether you stumbled over your words during that important presentation in front of the board or completely overreacted to something your child said or did, it can always be rectified. Maybe not immediately in the moment, although that is a possibility if you think on your feet but in the future. Practice your presentations and get more comfortable with speaking in front of people. Talk to your child and apologize for overreacting; if he or she feels that you are unapproachable or will “freak out” whenever something important is brought up, your child may never open up to you about anything important again.
2. Remember that we’re all human and therefore imperfect. I even want to say we should go as far as embracing those imperfections; what better way to develop genuine confidence? Making peace with your imperfections ensures that they don’t evolve into insecurities. Your children, employees, or those whom you mentor may have put you on a pedestal; however, the sooner they realize that you are, in fact, only human, the sooner it will inspire them to go forth and be their best without feeling pressure to be perfect.
3. Honor and cherish your humility. In other words, don’t be a sore loser... or a sore winner. Your grace in the face of failure speaks volumes about you, as does your grace in the face of success and accomplishment. Bragging obnoxiously or throwing your achievements in someone’s face only serves to make you look bad, and suddenly your bad attitude outshines any significance your success may have had. Why destroy your accomplishments with a bad attitude?
4. Arrogance, ego, and a need for control or power don’t serve anyone in the long run, whether you’re a leader, parent, or mentor. How many times have you ever heard an employee say, “My manager is on a power trip. It’s wonderful!” or an adult child exclaim, “My parents thought they knew everything, but they’ve been wrong more often than not. Of course, they’re still in denial, but it’s the best parenting technique in the world!” It’s so much easier to admit when you’re wrong, ask questions, or apologize for one faux pas than for a lifetime of them.
5. Let go. Allowing your employees, children, and those whom you mentor to make their own mistakes is a priceless teaching tool that will help them much more effectively than taking over when things look difficult or scary. I know this can be especially challenging for parents because your emotional involvement is so deep and you don’t want to see your children get hurt; however, you must remember that they are individuals, too, learning to make their own way in the world.
Children are children for technically 18 years of their lives, but to be generous, let’s say 25. If the average lifespan is 75 years, this accounts for merely 1/3 of their lives... as humans, we spend the majority of our lives being adults. The better we can teach our children from an early age, the more self-sufficient they will be as adults. And yes, of course, they may experience failure, mistakes, heartache, and loss... but a child who has never experienced anything will be ill-equipped to deal with anything as an adult, not to mention dealing with the emotional repercussions of whatever life might want to throw at them.
For those whom you mentor or serve as a leader, the same is true. Exchange the word “child” for “employee” and “parent” for “leader.” The principles are very similar.
This brings me to May’s theme for the Mindful Leader blog: Failing Forward. Stay tuned on Tuesdays this month to read more about failing forward, its value, and how you can incorporate tips, tricks, and tools into your mindful leadership style to make the most of failure and inspire those around you to do the same.
Happy Mother’s Day!
