You’ve surely encountered both of these personality types before, either as a leader or in your life in general. Maybe you had a friend in high school who constantly needed to be validated, no matter how small the accomplishment. Or maybe another friend who complained constantly and refused to take anyone’s advice (even if it was excellent). However, if you’re seeking answers about how to lead these personality types effectively, you’ve definitely come to the right place!
The Complainer
Complainers tend to want to talk only about what’s wrong. At first, you can usually write it off as them venting or trying to figure out how to solve their problem out loud, but soon it becomes apparent that all this person wants to talk about is the troubles in their life. At one point or another, you may have fallen into a similar habit without even realizing it, especially if you had a number of bad circumstances in your life all at once.
Unfortunately, the complainer personality type is a downer for everyone because of all the negativity. It isn’t that they’re trying to be negative; it’s just that their mindset is so focused on what’s wrong (and it probably has been for a long time) that they’ve forgotten how to solve problems or consider solutions without complaining about those, too.
Creating a problem for every solution is one aspect of a typical complainer. It doesn’t quite feel like they’re making excuses, but – to be blunt – they are making excuses, however justified they may seem.
How do you mindfully lead a complainer without being too harsh? After all, chances are that they feel like life is against them, usually in a number of different areas. One of the best ways to allow them to find their own path into the light is by designating a time and place to bring up any work-related problems they may be having, but only if they have at least one or two realistic solutions already prepared. Not only does this keep you from feeling like this person is wasting your time with chronic complaints, but it also encourages them to begin thinking in terms of solutions on their own, making the mindset shift that much easier and more plausible.
The Narcissist
This is a tough one because you literally cannot change a narcissistic personality, through psychology or otherwise. Like many personality types, a narcissist’s behavior and sense of ego usually stem from a deep-seated sense of worthlessness and low self-esteem. Though they tend to be outgoing, energetic, and immensely great at their jobs and rising in the ranks, they feel deep down that they aren’t good enough no matter how much they achieve.
How do you recognize a narcissistic personality? A few key factors include:
• a lack of empathy for others
• manipulation tactics
• seeming to feel remorse or shame if their bad behavior is pointed out but then doing the same things again
• an intense focus on themselves and their needs
• a strong need for validation for even the smallest “accomplishment”
• a sense that people are either on their side or against them, nowhere in between.
One more aspect of a narcissistic personality is that they have a tendency to fly into a rage if things don’t go their way or they feel like they’re not getting the level of attention that they should be.
This personality type has a tendency to seem like a great leader at first, but then they lack the empathy and focus on others to be effective leaders. However, there is a lot to be said for how much a narcissist can accomplish if given the chance, especially in sales, marketing, and even in leadership positions if they associate themselves with the company, as it becomes a reflection of them and their achievements; an extension of themselves, so to speak.
The best way to mindfully lead or even work with a narcissist is by being empathetic and understanding that their low self-worth is rooted in childhood trauma occurring over a long period of time, and to offer them positive feedback rather than negative. This doesn’t mean that tactful but critical feedback can’t be given in the right way (think “critique sandwich”), but a narcissist will usually shut down if confronted by someone in a way that seems negative to them. Being critical, not giving praise, and being too blunt can all be detrimental to a narcissist’s ability to stay focused. It can also lead them to using manipulation, gossip, seduction, and a slew of other tactics to get their self-esteem back to where they feel comfortable.
If you’re the type of leader who doesn’t have the patience for a narcissist, find someone who does so that you can effectively communicate and lead them well. Though challenging, a narcissistic personality type can bring a great deal of rewards and accomplishments to the company as a whole, and recognizing their individual achievements is a good way to encourage them and keep them in a positive mindset.
As challenging as some of these personality types may seem, remember that everyone has a purpose to serve, and chances are that their flaws are minor compared to what they may ultimately bring to the table… sometimes those skills and positive attributes are just a little trickier to gain full access to. On that note, continue leading mindfully!
