Let’s face it… sometimes we have to let go of certain relationships in our lives to make room for other relationships to blossom. This could happen for any number of reasons, and we each respond differently to relationships ending depending on the situation, the other person or people involved, and our general attitude or outlook about the situation and how we feel. Sometimes our reactions or emotional responses to the situation stem from clinging to the relationship even though we have outgrown it or it has become unhealthy or even toxic. This is where letting go comes in. Read on to learn more about mindfully letting go of relationships that no longer serve you.
By allowing for the separation despite it being potentially painful, sad, or full of escalating tempers, you take the momentum away from the negative emotions—if there are any—surrounding the situation and the person. If there aren’t any negative emotions surrounding the situation, for example if your relationship naturally grows apart, then there will be very little resistance to the end of what little remains. However, when you find yourself responding with resistance to the situation, it can often inadvertently make things worse.
Let me elaborate a little bit on this. Carl Jung said, “What you resist persists,” because of emotional resistance to a situation. This resistance can sometimes manifest as sadness and depression, but other times it can look like tempers flaring and an escalating situation where each side feels like it needs to fight for what’s right or get revenge rather than letting it be and moving on peacefully. This can cause a great deal of drama and additional pain, and sometimes make things worse between the people involved due to words and actions borne out of anger and pain.
To avoid this excessive amount of negative emotional energy and allow yourself to become peaceful about the situation, it helps to have a few different realizations along the way. These realizations are sometimes shocking when they really hit you, but they are also comforting in the face of dissolving closeness in a relationship.
Five Revelations to Help You Let Go
It is only after coming to understand certain things about ourselves versus other people that we can truly see that our purpose lies well beyond just staying in one place with one set of people our whole lives. Sometimes this means that we have to go through the discomfort of ending relationships for one reason or another, be it amicable or messy. Of course, amicable is always the goal, but it is nearly impossible to get to a place of amicable separation with toxic individuals, so you may need to settle for not having a resolution and allowing these individuals to keep their delusions and just care for them from afar, keeping yourself emotionally at a distance.
That being said, as mindful leaders, it is our job to rise above the chaos and respond in a way that is both loving and firm. If you are cutting ties with individuals who do not practice mindfulness, deep personal accountability, or setting healthy boundaries, then they will simply not understand what they are doing. As painful as this is to realize – and as much as it makes you almost want to look down on them for their ignorance – it simply is what it is, and the only one who can change how you feel about it is you. This ego flare up will pass as your journey continues, so don’t be alarmed if you experience a period of overt confidence and slight judgment. You’ll adjust as you settle into your higher level of consciousness and understanding.
Here are five revelations to help you get there.
1. Think of it this way… while you have been working on yourself, honing your skills, and practicing mindfulness and meditation to better yourself as a human being, they have remained stuck, running around a hamster wheel without a destination or a purpose, just running for seemingly no reason. Your perspective is much different from theirs, so don’t assume that they are even capable of seeing things the way that you see them, especially without conscious effort in their daily habits.
2. People will come and go throughout your entire life. Whether you remember these relationships fondly or with some discomfort depends a great deal on how the relationship ends or gets reprioritized. Understand that, in order to be true to yourself, you may need to offend a few people whom you have gotten close to after learning what you’ve needed to learn from your journey with them… and vice versa. Sometimes it’s a clean break, and other times it isn’t. However, it’s up to you not to exacerbate the emotions of the situation so that all parties can get out somewhat unscathed. If they choose to say or do things that do exacerbate the situation, don’t allow yourself to get sucked into the drama and revenge trap. It isn’t worth it.
3. Setting your priorities to best serve you and your needs is a good thing, even if it temporarily hurts others or makes them angry. If they can’t understand where you’re coming from, then why would you want them in your life in the first place? Their initial reaction may not be how they truly feel in the long run, but it may hurt, so be prepared for that when you tell them what your needs are and that those needs don’t include them.
4. If you have to draw a line, draw a line. Sometimes relationships end because someone does something that crosses a line with the other person morally or ethically. If someone has crossed a boundary that they can’t come back from, you may need to firmly stand your ground and make sure that the other party knows that they cannot do this to or around you, ever, and that it won’t fly. If it’s something relatively minor, a second chance may be given, but if it’s something life-altering or that completely changes the way you see them, it might be time to say goodbye, at least for a while.
5. You are the only person who will be with you for your entire life. Why is it that we neglect ourselves and our own needs so much? Many of us have been conditioned into catering to the needs of others before our own, as in the case of parents, siblings, bosses, or other authority figures. Our own needs come second which minimizes our self-worth in a very subconscious and insidious way. If you don’t advocate for yourself, no one will.
I realize that some of these truths are harsh to face, especially if you have experiences to reference back to that these words may have reminded you of. However, when you are able to develop your sense of inner peace and calm, being mindful during challenging situations will become easier and easier, making it effortless to go with the flow of people and circumstances your life presents you with. Remember that it’s all about the journey, so all you have to do is remain mindful within each moment as much as possible and be true to yourself. Don’t worry about anybody else (unless you have kids, of course, but you know what I mean). All the strength and power and love you could ever imagine lies within you, and you are appreciated.
For more information about the Mindfulness Movement or the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:
http://executivecoachinguniversity.com/mindfulness-movement
