It’s easy to be carefree and peaceful when things are going well. However, when things aren’t going well and it seems like maybe your life has become cursed, it becomes even more important to relax and surrender to the divine timing at play. When you fight against what you’re going through, worry about it, become consumed by it, and it takes all of your negative focus, then the problem or series of problems will likely persist because these are all forms of resistance to what is. In this article, we’ll explore several types of resistance and how to overcome these blockages because they will very likely have something to do with your inner world being reflected back to you in your outer circumstances. On one hand, this means you have to take responsibility for everything you contribute on any level of your soul’s existence; on the other hand, taking this responsibility reveals that you are also the only person who has the power to change anything. So, knowing that, let’s talk about resistance.
For this information to be as comprehensive as possible, let’s talk a little bit about unwanted circumstances, the role they play on your journey, and why you have nothing to be afraid of when it comes to ordinary, everyday life.
The things happening around you or “to” you are actually happening for you and through you. This means that everything in your life is there to either serve a purpose, teach you something constructive on a divine level, or to get you to the next step on your way to a bigger goal or manifestation.
What’s really interesting to think about is that yes, you attracted the unwanted circumstances, but if it were any other circumstance or experience, it wouldn’t have the same impact, message, or effect on you at your core. If it were happening to someone else, it wouldn’t have the same message, either, so this opens us up to understanding that everything we attract into our lives has a divine purpose and timing. So, without those “unwanted circumstances,” we may not have been pushed to go the extra mile or make a courageous decision we would have been too afraid to make if it had been even a moment before. Sometimes the decisions we feel forced into actually lead us to exactly where we need to be.
Another thing about unwanted circumstances is that they often happen to get you to a place of simplification, of eliminating things from your life that don’t serve you anymore and having a simpler day-to-day experience than before. You may find yourself losing possessions, relationships, or other physical comforts within your life so that you have the space to welcome better things in. If your life is already full, it’s much more challenging to say “yes” to new opportunities because you simply don’t have the time, resources, or energy to devote to the new if you’re still busy trying to work with the old.
Now, let’s talk about resistance. All resistance is energetic and emotions are energy, so despite any challenges you may be facing, it is extremely important to take care of your energy, your emotional state of being, in order to improve your life in all other areas. This internal space is where it all begins, so I hope to be able to shed some light on different types of emotional resistance, what they may be trying to tell you about yourself through your experience, and how you can begin to consciously check in with yourself when you need to make sure you’re responding rather than reacting to something.
What You Resist Persists, What You Focus On Grows
As counterintuitive as it may seem at first, the more you push and fight against something, the more powerful it becomes because of your attention. What you focus on grows, what you resist persists; it’s the same thing. With focus, however, it is more representative of the full truth: what you focus on grows, whether that’s a focus on something desirable or undesirable, as defined by you.
By holding yourself accountable for your responsibilities to yourself in your life, you open the door to manifesting your experiences more and more quickly and mindfully. One way to getting to that accountability part faster is by examining what triggers you, what you have negative or undesirable emotions about. When you begin to learn this about yourself, you become aware enough to change your response. Understanding where a certain behavior may have come from or how it may have been programmed into your subconscious will also help you to broaden your perspective and fully grasp that it doesn’t have to be this way because you have the choice to believe it or not. That is your decision, and oftentimes our beliefs exist for no other reason than subconscious programming. It is when we begin to question these beliefs and have experiences contrasting these beliefs that we can begin to see our power to change these beliefs, in turn changing our reality experience simply by empowering us to re-create our own beliefs.
“All beliefs are true to the believer.”
—Joanna Kujath
Here are a few different forms of emotional resistance, what they might mean, and what you may be able to understand about it to begin healing.
Fear. If you feel fearful about something, there’s a good chance that you’re also worrying about it, which can lead to a rabbit hole of all sorts of undesired feelings. After all, nobody actually wants to feel fearful and anxious… or do they? Fear often comes from the notion of having to experience something different, something unknown. This fear of the unknown can manifest in all sorts of ways, so check in with yourself and ask if this is simply a fear of the unknown manifesting itself, working its way through your body so that you can release it. You may also want to ask yourself very bluntly what you have to lose if things change, versus what you have to gain if things stay the same. Good news: fear is simple to reframe and continue feeling slightly similar. Rather than being fearful about the unknown, maybe it’s time to get excited about the experiences you are being blessed with. Big picture thinking helps to develop this excitement because you can see things more clearly from far away sometimes.
Worry. Unchecked fear often leads to worry, and worry is one of the most pointless emotions for daily life. This evolution into worry stems from fearful thoughts running unchecked through your mind and creating a sense of paranoia because you begin to consider all of the different things that could go wrong. Not only is this a waste of time, but it is also a waste of your emotional energy because you are feeding the very things you are trying to avoid with your attention to them. That makes them all the more likely to actually happen, which fuels your worry more, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and eventually a belief, which you then accept and adopt as truth. It is absolutely in your best interest to begin observing and redirecting your focus and thoughts before the belief becomes too cemented in your subconscious.
Anxiety. Unchecked worry can lead to anxiety, which is like chronic, constant worry that often doesn’t make logical sense and has the potential to create a great deal of distress in an individual as well as everyone around them. This is when it begins to cross a line into mental health issues developing. However, even anxiety and chronic stress can be changed by your redirection of attention. So, rather than focusing on everything that’s wrong, focus on everything that is right. Begin a daily practice of gratitude. This doesn’t have to be anything elaborate; simply notice when something good happens (little things especially because they lead to bigger things) and bask in gratitude and appreciation over it for a few minutes. This basking will raise your vibration, your emotional energy, and begin to attract more things that will evoke the same emotion. So, by being grateful, you attract more things to be grateful for.
Anger. In certain circumstances, your justified reaction may be anger, and sometimes this is meant to rattle us in some way, make us more aware of the injustices in the world, and draw our attention back to all of the terrible things we may have experienced. Many of these emotions represent an energetic purging process, especially if you’re experiencing a major shift in consciousness. These shifts in consciousness have to happen incrementally, one chunk of a revelation at a time, guided by your experiences to fully understand what your life and the universe are trying to help you to know. Sometimes we must be fully exposed to the so-called negative to be able to see where to go next. And sometimes, that means we go, “away.” Elsewhere, to regroup and build a better life.
Vengeance. When you realize that someone has betrayed you somehow, your anger may lead you to thoughts of revenge, and it’s important for you to know that thinking about it from time to time is okay. Writing about it, splattering crimson paint violently on a large canvas, or otherwise expressing these darker emotions is one way of “exorcising your demons,” or releasing uncomfortable or damaging emotional energy. Suppressing or holding back these types of emotions can actually be detrimental, cause you to “blow up” later, or create dis-ease within your physical body over time. Working through these things as they come up can be absolutely liberating, not to mention show you how to consider things on much deeper levels before you respond. This also allows you to practice patience and forgiveness to help you release and move on.
These forms of emotional energetic resistance can show up at any point in your life when challenging things are happening. The key is to relax, redirect your thoughts toward something that feels better such as gratitude, and leave the things that are not your responsibility alone so that proper responsibility can be claimed for that person to step into their power. By taking on another person’s responsibilities you are actually disempowering them from doing this for themselves, so don’t feel like you’re helping by falling into people pleaser mode. This doesn’t help anyone, you or the other person.
These emotions typically present themselves for a reason that is unique to you and your life and understanding of it, so it is up to you to define what you’ve gained from an experience, to see it in a way that makes sense for you and strengthens your integrity and soul in the process. There is absolutely no need to be angry or hateful toward another human being, and if they are toxic, then it’s best to gain some distance anyway so that you can grow into the person you truly are. Toxic relationships don’t foster growth as these situations typically have repetitive cycles, so growth and change are perceived as threatening.
So, with that in mind, the final question comes up: how do I take responsibility for toxic people being in my life and what is the key to healing that?
Every single aspect of your life is attracted to you by your vibration, your soul’s unique frequency. Yes, this can include toxic and abusive relationships, and as a domestic violence and emotional abuse survivor, I can tell you from firsthand inner work experience that this is a very painful realization when it first comes up. Yes, some aspect of the abuse is my responsibility. Now, this does not by any means excuse any abusive behavior perpetrated by another person. However, to get to a point of higher consciousness about it and not stay stuck in emotional turmoil, we must recognize that there is something about us that attracts these predatory types, these toxic people. Since this is a clearly defined cycle and we now understand that we have the power to break this cycle by being truly honest about it, this can eventually lead to a discovery that we don’t love ourselves unconditionally, so the only types of love we will subconsciously attract are conditional, selfish, or otherwise different from what we actually desire.
Realizing this creates a paradigm shift, a revision in our perception of life, who we are, and how to live on an emotional level. If you find yourself dealing with toxic people in any way, do yourself a favor and start showing yourself unconditional love. Love the emotional parts of yourself that come up. Love your body. Take good care of yourself. Eat well. Exercise. These are all ways in which we can show ourselves love, and this developing of healthy habits will propel you into a whole new level of existence, no matter what your past looks like.
And you know what? You are worthy and deserving of the things you desire in your life.
For more information about the Mindfulness Movement or the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:
http://executivecoachinguniversity.com/mindfulness-movement
