Most of us already understand on some level that loving ourselves is important, but what does this actually mean? In order to truly understand unconditional love, it’s important to begin defining what you consider loving behavior and what you don’t consider loving behavior. During this defining process, we may find ourselves looking at the ways in which people treat us and begin to understand when someone is being loving and when they are not. It’s also important not to take your discoveries personally (despite them being very personal) because most people are living from an unconscious place, unaware of how their words and actions may be affecting others. We all do this from time to time; we’re all human. So, while defining what is and what is not loving can be extremely important, it’s equally important not to internalize or take this behavior personally because it is unconscious behavior. However, by becoming aware of how others are treating us and what we consider loving or not, we can also begin setting healthier boundaries and treating ourselves and others in more loving ways. Read on to learn more about mindfully defining what is and what is not loving in your life.
When it comes to love, many of us have preconceived notions about it that don’t necessarily align with what unconditional love truly is. For example, we live in a society that perpetuates codependency and holding others responsible for our behaviors. In romantic relationships, possessiveness and envy are commonplace. But is this really loving behavior? Or is this a type of unconscious programming based in fear?
It can begin as something that seems trivial and ridiculous, like when you’re kids playing a game and someone makes a mistake and says, “Look what you made me do!” Whether someone else played a part in this child’s error or not, it becomes a really easy, emotionally reactive excuse and may very well expand into a blame-game that escalates to the point of blaming each other for every little thing that goes wrong rather than taking responsibility for their own errors. This is commonly written off as “sibling rivalry” and normalized as well. It begins with seemingly benign comments and behaviors such as this that end up gaining momentum and being integrated into our unconsciously programmed behavior through repetition… without us even realizing it. This is how the human mind operates: we learn, we practice through repetition, and then it becomes an effortless habit as it is adopted into the subconscious or unconscious mind and stored as data we have access to 24/7. The mind doesn’t differentiate between “good” and “bad” habits, which is part of what makes the human mind such a fascinating operating system.
To simplify this concept of unconditional love and help you to better define your own behaviors as well as the behaviors of others, let’s explore the two ends of the spectrum: fear versus love. When I speak about love, I mean real, unconditional love, so one way to figure out if something is loving or not is to ask yourself if there are any conditional aspects to this relationship or the behaviors of the people involved (including your own). Has someone placed conditions on their love for you? Have you based conditions on your love for yourself?
Conditional love is based on a system of approval, reward, and punishment. If you do well, you are loved. If you make mistakes, you are not loved and you must chase the approval of whoever you are seeking love from. True, unconditional love doesn’t need to be earned; approval does. True, unconditional love doesn’t have to be proven; it just is. Remember that inner divinity we mentioned last month? Unconditional love is Source energy, so by feeling unconditional love, we are energetically matching the vibration of the natural state of being of everything in existence (the field of infinite possibilities). Our confusion as human beings is ultimately self-inflicted, so it makes sense that we can also self-inflict positive change if we understand how the mind works and how to utilize it to our benefit rather than allowing it to become our detriment.
It All Begins Within
As we’ve previously discussed, quantum physics proves that consciousness creates reality; thoughts and emotions create form or matter. This is why our outer world reflects our inner world: we are constantly and continuously creating from an energetic level. When you begin to love yourself unconditionally, you will begin to see more acceptance and love from others in your life as well. You may even be shown examples within your life of one thing happening that isn’t loving just for another thing to happen within 10 minutes that demonstrates loving behavior in a glaringly obvious way (or vice versa, of course). This is excellent because life is literally reflecting what you need to see back to you in order for you to exist in a state of unconditional self-love. There can be many lessons leading up to it.
The main takeaway: begin to pay attention to what is fear-based and what is love-based. When you are interacting with others, are there a lot of emotional triggers? Do you and those you’re dealing with react emotionally rather than responding calmly? Do you sit around and gossip about others and then worry that they’re doing the same thing behind your back? Do you or the people you’re close to complain and gripe a lot about things that are out of your control? Are you free to be who you are or do you feel like you must wear a mask to gain someone’s approval? Like you can’t be yourself?
Some of these questions are tough to ask yourself, but we encourage you to really take the time and ponder these for a while. Be gentle and honest with yourself and others during this process, and work through any emotional triggers that may come up for you. What typically works for me is to stop, breathe, and check in with myself. Why does this particular action or statement elicit such an emotional reaction from me? Typically speaking, anything you are reactive about is based on fear conditioning or programming of your subconscious mind, which is why we typically don’t think about what we’re doing or saying… until we do.
Doing this work within yourself will allow you to stop reacting and start responding, giving you a peaceful demeanor as a leader while also giving you the courage and assertiveness to do what needs to be done without unconsciously harming anyone in your life in the process, including yourself.
So, how do you begin to love yourself unconditionally? We invite you to join us next week for a breakdown of the three aspects of unconditional self-love: knowing yourself, accepting yourself, and trusting yourself. Until then, please take some time to introspect and consider whether you are treating yourself with the unconditional love you are worthy of. You may also introspect about how you treat others and whether you are acting from a place of love or fear.
Remember that you are an amazing being with incredible value. Any and all inner work you do for yourself will help you feel more valuable and valued from within, which is where the creation process begins. Aren’t you worth that effort? Here at ECU, we know you are, and we encourage you to continue learning and growing as a mindful leader.
For more information about the Mindfulness Movement or the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:
http://executivecoachinguniversity.com/mindfulness-movement
