Any time we are around other people, mistakes are bound to be made. Nobody’s perfect, after all. The real test of your character is how you choose to react to mistakes or carelessness at the hands of other people, or in some cases, how you react to abusive or bullying behavior at the hands of someone else. Let’s be perfectly honest here... in real life, there are lots of gray areas and there isn’t always a clear-cut solution or choice to make. Sometimes you have nothing but “bad” options, and it’s important to be flexible and able to mindfully consider which option is the best one, even if there isn’t an ideal win-win-win. Read on to learn how forgiving others can help you cultivate inner peace and stay sane during stressful circumstances.

 

As mentioned in last week’s blog post, studies have shown that holding a grudge or nursing resentment can actually be detrimental to the health of your body and mind. It’s like the Buddha said: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” This is also true of resentment and feelings of vengeance; the emotional state of being is more harmful to yourself and your own vessel than it is to the person whom you wish justice upon.

 

Now, this doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid or even justified. However, this type of feeling is only justified for so long before it turns from a healthy step in the process of acceptance (or release) to a detrimental habit of thought and feeling that essentially eats away at your mind, body, and spirit.

 

So, how do you get to a point of being able to forgive someone more quickly in order to move toward solutions rather than arguing in circles or having a dark cloud hanging over your workplace (or anywhere else)? Here are five things to keep in mind as you work on your ability to let go and forgive others their mistakes.

 

Five Reframes to Help You Forgive Others Mindfully

 

These are five things to remember as you work on your ability to forgive others. Perception is reality, so fine-tuning your own perception is an excellent way of getting to a place of peace through forgiveness much faster.

 

1.      Remember that you have no way of knowing just what someone else is going through or dealing with at any given time. If you’re working from a place of speculation, assumptions, or worse (like gossip, rumors, or hearsay), then the chance of coming up with forgiveness or any kind of solution becomes minimal at best, and it definitely won’t be a solution that is in alignment with the greatest good for everyone.

2.      Remember that most people have a rich, multifaceted life outside of the workplace or wherever you know them from. Unless they share their stories voluntarily, then you have no way of knowing what’s happening in their lives, the underlying stresses they may be facing, or the amount of work they’re doing. Chances are that, if you have a lot on your plate, most other people also have a lot on their plate. These days, that’s much more common than finding people who are minimalistic and have cleared the clutter from their lives. Even if they have, that thing called life still happens, so find your sense of compassion before holding on to resentment or anger.

3.      Remember that not everyone practices mindfulness or meditation. Self-awareness doesn’t come naturally to all people, and without conscious practice, we can fall out of our mindful habits and start “slacking off” on directing our own thoughts and emotions. One blanket remedy for this is to have a morning session of meditation for all of the people you lead, maybe even a second one after lunch. Meditation has been proven to have many positive effects on an individual, so it can’t hurt.

4.      Remember that each of us sees life through the layers of conditioning and experiences we’ve accumulated throughout our lives. I think of this like several different semi-opaque blinders in different colors covering our eyes and how we see and sense the world and other people. As we grow, evolve, and expand our consciousness, these blinders begin to fall away in a series of aha-moments and epiphanies, like layers being peeled back. Once this begins happening, we can see the world, people, and circumstances from various different perspectives simultaneously, making us more understanding and open to hearing more sides of a situation. It may never be possible to see all sides, simply because context matters and the circumstances and various different perceptions of the people involved will tell as many different stories as there are people involved, maybe even more. Keeping this in mind allows us to be more accepting and wise in how we handle different circumstances.

5.      Remember that we’re all connected. No matter how different we all are from one another due to the illusion of separateness and different upbringing, conditioning, and subconscious programming, our individual perceptions can come together to paint a whole picture rather than leaving us with a canvas that looks randomly spattered with paint. The underlying connections are apparent in everyday life and circumstances when you practice mindfulness and pay attention, while also practicing discernment.

 

Forgiveness, like so many things, happens in waves or layers. Another “side-effect” of mindfulness practice is that you become more aware of the various cycles of human emotion, life circumstances, and the ebb and flow of the universe. It’s all connected, and chances are that your life circumstances and relationships are there to teach you something. When we take on the role of being a student of the universe, so to speak, rather than getting caught up in superficial conflicts and squabbling, we are more able to see people for who they are beneath the mess that life created within their being. This is also why healing yourself is so important – only then can we truly see, and only then can we truly understand.

 

Thank you so much for joining us here on the Mindful Leader Blog! Check in next week for another article about forgiveness, this time about forgiving yourself... which should help with the healing I just mentioned.

 

 

To learn more about the Mindfulness Movement and the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:

 

http://executivecoachinguniversity.com/mindfulness-movement

 

 

BIG NEWS TODAY!

 

We just received word that our flagship Executive Coaching Training Program (CMEC) was approved by the International Coach Federation! We can now award 15 CCEUs (credit hours) toward coaching certifications with the ICF. This is a wonderful compliment to our SHRM certifications.

This is such a beautiful reflection on our entire team. Congratulations to all of you!

Many thanks to all of you for your support over the years. We are so blessed…

You can find details here:

http://www.executivecoachinguniversity.com/

Warmly,

Drayton

Founder and CEO

www.RescueInstitute.org

www.ExecutiveCoachingUniversity.com

All of your employees are happy and productive, right?  Thought so…

According to Gallop (and other leading survey firms) here is the reality:

1. 75% of people wished they had a different job.
2. 51% of “A” workers are actively looking for a different job.
3. Worker productivity is only at 33%.
4. Lack of engagement costs U.S. businesses over $385 BILLION a year!
5. 80% of people NEVER use their greatest gifts at work.

What do you think of these smelling salts?!

Coaching can address all of these issues…in fact; it may well be the ONLY thing that can cure these workplace “ills.”

If you don’t have a coaching strategy in your organization, I can guarantee you one thing—these statistics will not go down…

Coaching is the “cure.” Isn’t it time you used coaching to focus on your most important asset…your people?

 

A. Drayton Boylston

Founder and CEO

Executive Coaching University



© 2013 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.

 

Are Leading or just Managing?

• More than two million workers say their bosses are so overworked they don’t really have time to manage their staff properly.
• 75% of people wished they had another job.
• 80% of people never use their greatest gifts at work.

Pretty sad facts.  

Guess what? They more than likely apply to your organization too.

And...

If you manage people, you own this!

What’s happening within our workforce to make these statistics a reality? 

In the United States employee engagement only averages 30%. That's it.  

Why?

It comes down to poor leadership. 

We have spent so much energy creating “good managers” that we have become disengaged with what it means to be a good leader.

Managing comes from a need to produce an outcome, which of course, is important. However, when we can move to a place of leading those around us the organizational momentum transforms.  More than anything employees want to make a contribution. Once they feel that they are, they stay...and they stay engaged. Which boosts your bottom line.

• Leading is about developing the soft skills that are required to inspire and motivate people.

• Managing is about possessing the technical skills required in order to get a job done.

If you have the management skills without the leadership skills your career will plateau at some point. That is a fact.

The soft skills that good leaders possess are going to be in high demand as the battle for top talent continues to increase. Are you ready?

 

Click here to find out more about Jenna.

Want to learn how to become a better leader? Click here for details.

Coaching In The Workplace - Training for Executives, Managers, and HR Professionals



© 2014 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.

I was meeting the other day with a new corporate client.  This young woman was an up and coming executive within the health care industry.  We had just begun our work together, with this being our second meeting.

While our time together progressed, my client must have glanced towards, or checked in some way, her “smart phone” three or four times over the course of our first fifteen minutes.

I commented on her split attention and asked her to turn off the phone and just be focused on our time together for the next forty five minutes – fully focused upon our work.  The look on her face would have lead someone not knowing my request, to think I had asked her to do something exceptionally distasteful…maybe even illegal!

Through our discussion around my request it became quite clear that she had NEVER turned off her phone – it was always on.  This meant she was always connected, always available, always “on.”

She explained that this level of being available and connected was the status quo at her corporation and essentially had been the status quo since she was at University.  “What if I miss something really important?” she asked. “I’m not productive if I’m not juggling a number of issues, projects, or conversations at once!” she stated.

This multitasking misconception arises quite often, especially with high performers who see their success as driven by the ability to do many tasks at the same time.

Yet, there is a downside to always being “on.”  Consider:

• “Attention Deficit Trait,” a new condition rampant in the business world, which mimics Attention Deficit Disorder and results from extreme multitasking behavior.
• Researchers at the University of California found it took workers on average, 25 minutes to recover focus and attention after interruptions such as phone calls or answering email.
• Dr. Rene Marois of Vanderbilt University found evidence of a “response selection bottleneck” that occurs in the brain when it is forced to respond to multiple tasks.  This results in diminished productivity.
• In a 2008, a piece within the New York Times by Jonathan B. Spira, an analyst with the business research firm Basex, “estimated that extreme multitasking – information overload – costs the U.S. economy $ 650 billion a year in lost productivity.”  And that was in 2008!

Is it possible that any of the above might contribute to the 33% worker productivity rate in the U.S? 33%!!!

There are also other, more personal costs.  This particular client was referred to me due to increasing conflicts between her staff and those in her chain of command – she had become “hard to work with” and was close to losing the job she so valued.

Additionally, her marriage was on the verge of divorce and she had been diagnosed with digestive/intestinal issues primarily caused by stress.

Coincidence?  Not likely!

Sound familiar?  Chances are if you are reading this then you have experienced, or know someone close to you who has experienced, a very similar chain of events.

Take time to focus within the moment, express gratitude, and disconnect at least once daily.  You will find you are actually more productive, healthier, and happier.  Then lead all those around you to do the same!

 

Greg Styles

Director of Special Projects

Executive Coaching University

© 2013 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.

What skills does it take? How is it done? What would a “Coaching Culture” look like? What kind of manager can make the transition?

The question is often asked - “Could our Managers/Leaders become good Coaches?” The answer is - Maybe.

Here’s the reality - Most managers in corporate America are good technicians at what they do. They typically have deficiencies in the “soft skills” area.

Here is where a big distinction needs to be made:

There is a HUGE difference between Leaders and Managers. The difference is that Leaders have mastered the soft/people skills necessary to inspire people to work up to their full potential. Managers often have solid technical skills but don’t inspire others to work toward a collective goal. A symptom of a typical manager is that their people are often in need of a “task with consequences” approach to their work vs. leaders who inspire self motivation for the good of the cause.

Here are the skills that Coaching takes:

1. Desire - a true desire to help others succeed.

2. Awareness - a trust in ones’ intuitive “gut.”
 
3. Focus - on the individual and their challenges vs. a need to “solve” things for others.

4. Listening - a sincere desire to truly hear what others are saying.

A Coaching culture is typified by these attributes:

1. Respect - you would see interactions that respect the word of the individual.

2. Worth - individuals within these cultures feel valued and appreciated.

3. Real Communication - not your typical “force fed” communication. You would see fully duplexed communication throughout the ranks.

4. Stability and progress - these cultures display more stability and retain their best people better than others. That leads to greater personal and business success.


Corporate Leaders that can make the transition to Coach are those that truly believe in investing in the individual - in time and money. It takes a sincere desire and belief that investments made in people pay off for the company.

Does this resonate with you?

Take good care,



Drayton Boylston

Founder and CEO - Executive Coaching University

http://www.ExecutiveCoachingUniversity.com

© 2013 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.

by Drayton Boylston

There is much confusion about what Coaching is- and isn’t. Many consulting firms have simply gone through their marketing materials and changed the word “consulting” to “coaching.” For many in the business world, that sums up what they perceive Coaching to be, a new word for consulting.

Nothing could be farther from the truth!

.. Coaching IS NOT about giving advice or consulting. It is not about mentoring. It is not about “helping” others by providing solutions to problems.

.. It IS about working intensely with people, utilizing provocative and powerful questions, to enable people to find answers themselves. At its essence, Coaching is about equipping people with the tools to discern the real issues at work and then to employ the right actions to best deal with the realities that they face.

.. Coaching is not therapy. Coaching should not go anywhere near what is considered the domain of therapists and psychologists. If it does, it’s not coaching. Coaching is not about the past- it is about the present- and the future. Good Coaches know when they are getting near the areas where others need to be called in- and do so.

.. While some Coaching can appear to be ethereal and too “out there” for companies, that is a much different type of Coaching (Life Coaching). There is a distinct form of Executive Coaching that is used in the corporate environment. It is directly tied to personal improvement and increased productivity that in turn pays off handsomely for the organization.

.. Coaching does not “fix” people. It is rare that Coaching can be deployed to “fix” those that deem to be in need of a quick change by their manager.

.. Coaching can have dramatic short term impact. But the reality is that it will take from 6-12 months of quality Coaching to make sustainable changes. Those that tell you that it can be done quicker are not well informed.

.. Coaching is about individual planning, goal setting, and achievement. It’s also about personal discovery and enlightenment. It is about realizing one’s full potential.

With all that being said, Coaching is about so many things that would benefit every company. Coaching helps create stronger and more productive people that are more valuable to the organization!

Be well,

Drayton Boylston
Founder and CEO - Rescue Institute, Executive Coaching University

http://www.executivecoachinguniversity.com

© 2013 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.