Any time we are around other people, mistakes are bound to be made. Nobody’s perfect, after all. The real test of your character is how you choose to react to mistakes or carelessness at the hands of other people, or in some cases, how you react to abusive or bullying behavior at the hands of someone else. Let’s be perfectly honest here... in real life, there are lots of gray areas and there isn’t always a clear-cut solution or choice to make. Sometimes you have nothing but “bad” options, and it’s important to be flexible and able to mindfully consider which option is the best one, even if there isn’t an ideal win-win-win. Read on to learn how forgiving others can help you cultivate inner peace and stay sane during stressful circumstances.
As mentioned in last week’s blog post, studies have shown that holding a grudge or nursing resentment can actually be detrimental to the health of your body and mind. It’s like the Buddha said: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” This is also true of resentment and feelings of vengeance; the emotional state of being is more harmful to yourself and your own vessel than it is to the person whom you wish justice upon.
Now, this doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid or even justified. However, this type of feeling is only justified for so long before it turns from a healthy step in the process of acceptance (or release) to a detrimental habit of thought and feeling that essentially eats away at your mind, body, and spirit.
So, how do you get to a point of being able to forgive someone more quickly in order to move toward solutions rather than arguing in circles or having a dark cloud hanging over your workplace (or anywhere else)? Here are five things to keep in mind as you work on your ability to let go and forgive others their mistakes.
Five Reframes to Help You Forgive Others Mindfully
These are five things to remember as you work on your ability to forgive others. Perception is reality, so fine-tuning your own perception is an excellent way of getting to a place of peace through forgiveness much faster.
1. Remember that you have no way of knowing just what someone else is going through or dealing with at any given time. If you’re working from a place of speculation, assumptions, or worse (like gossip, rumors, or hearsay), then the chance of coming up with forgiveness or any kind of solution becomes minimal at best, and it definitely won’t be a solution that is in alignment with the greatest good for everyone.
2. Remember that most people have a rich, multifaceted life outside of the workplace or wherever you know them from. Unless they share their stories voluntarily, then you have no way of knowing what’s happening in their lives, the underlying stresses they may be facing, or the amount of work they’re doing. Chances are that, if you have a lot on your plate, most other people also have a lot on their plate. These days, that’s much more common than finding people who are minimalistic and have cleared the clutter from their lives. Even if they have, that thing called life still happens, so find your sense of compassion before holding on to resentment or anger.
3. Remember that not everyone practices mindfulness or meditation. Self-awareness doesn’t come naturally to all people, and without conscious practice, we can fall out of our mindful habits and start “slacking off” on directing our own thoughts and emotions. One blanket remedy for this is to have a morning session of meditation for all of the people you lead, maybe even a second one after lunch. Meditation has been proven to have many positive effects on an individual, so it can’t hurt.
4. Remember that each of us sees life through the layers of conditioning and experiences we’ve accumulated throughout our lives. I think of this like several different semi-opaque blinders in different colors covering our eyes and how we see and sense the world and other people. As we grow, evolve, and expand our consciousness, these blinders begin to fall away in a series of aha-moments and epiphanies, like layers being peeled back. Once this begins happening, we can see the world, people, and circumstances from various different perspectives simultaneously, making us more understanding and open to hearing more sides of a situation. It may never be possible to see all sides, simply because context matters and the circumstances and various different perceptions of the people involved will tell as many different stories as there are people involved, maybe even more. Keeping this in mind allows us to be more accepting and wise in how we handle different circumstances.
5. Remember that we’re all connected. No matter how different we all are from one another due to the illusion of separateness and different upbringing, conditioning, and subconscious programming, our individual perceptions can come together to paint a whole picture rather than leaving us with a canvas that looks randomly spattered with paint. The underlying connections are apparent in everyday life and circumstances when you practice mindfulness and pay attention, while also practicing discernment.
Forgiveness, like so many things, happens in waves or layers. Another “side-effect” of mindfulness practice is that you become more aware of the various cycles of human emotion, life circumstances, and the ebb and flow of the universe. It’s all connected, and chances are that your life circumstances and relationships are there to teach you something. When we take on the role of being a student of the universe, so to speak, rather than getting caught up in superficial conflicts and squabbling, we are more able to see people for who they are beneath the mess that life created within their being. This is also why healing yourself is so important – only then can we truly see, and only then can we truly understand.
Thank you so much for joining us here on the Mindful Leader Blog! Check in next week for another article about forgiveness, this time about forgiving yourself... which should help with the healing I just mentioned.
To learn more about the Mindfulness Movement and the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:
http://executivecoachinguniversity.com/mindfulness-movement
